foreverbeme’s blog

happy 24th birthday to myself!!wow, another year older and i should be another year wiser. Despite the fact that today is my birthday,dunno why i felt something is missing this year. somemore, i need to work on my b’day nite where im supposed to spend some times with my family and friends. I should be happy.Allah has give me a chance to live this far so I should not take for granted His Blessing and the life that He has given to me.

Last year birthday was the one that i couldnt forget. That’s the first time i celebrated my birthday and everyone was around including him. Nothing else means that much.Hmm.. this year wont be the same i supposed. Never felt this lonely. Im in the middle of the crowd but i felt the loneliness. Now I understand what Aldeena was saying.. i miss Aldeena’s laughter.Dunno why tonite im thinking about her and how she’s coping with her life now..

Thank you yang and ida for remembering my birthday and for being the first few people who wish me hepy birthday! its been great to have you guys around for so many years. Im glad that our friendship survive till this very day. I’ll always cherish our friendship, remember that. Enon, hehehe ko paling advance wish ku hepy b’day. bila lagik ku dapat nak kuar dengan kau?hopefully one of these days aku ada time untuk kua dengan kau:)

Adoh terasa tua! dont feel that im 24 but 25 years old. Funny, the world around me changing but im still the same old girl who still fight dengan bapak for the sake of one box of ice cream. I also still cry like a baby.Nothing much change in my life except for the fact that now i’m working so i have new responsibilities, new planning for life and career and etc. So many burden on my shoulders and dunno till when i could bear the burden. But I believe that Allah put this burden on me because Allah believe that somehow i can get through all this.

Despite the fact that im now 24 years old, there are things that i still could not left behind. There are things that kinda stuck with me all these years.Dunno how long its going to be here with me.. now im listening to how can i not love you- the song from the Anna and the King movie. I like the lyrics and somehow it relates to what im facing now..

Well for today i think the one song that i want to share with everyone is Over and Over by Puff Johnson. This was the theme song in First Wives Club Movies. This song somehow always remind me to keep moving on over and over and keep fighting on and on ..

Over and Over

So you stood there on the corner
With your suitcase in your hand
Ready to quit this place
There were just too many people
With too little left to lose
And you were just one more face
But you weren’t born to give up easy
You weren’t raised to just lie down

Then you say the sun that rises up for more
Over and over
You watched the wave that wear away the shore
Over and Over again
And if there’s any justice in this world
Gotta keep fighting on, Over and over

They say that God always forgives us
But can we forgive ouselves
If we let our hope die?
Cause if passion is a weakness
And if silence is a strength
Who’s gonna hear the cry?
So we gotta climb the highest mountain
We gotta shout for all to hear

Then we’ll see the sun that rises up for more
Over and over
We’ll feel the wave that wears away the shore
Over and Over again
And if there’s any justice in this world
Gotta keep moving on, Over and over
Over and over

All that we dream can come to be
All that we’ve lost we’ll find if we
Just strike the match and fan the flame
We’ll build a blaze that lights the way

We’ll be the sun that rises up for more
Over and over
We’ll be the wave that wears away the shore
Over and Over again
Cause if there’s any justice in this world
Gotta keep moving on, Over and over again
Gotta keep moving on, over and over

* For all my beloved friends.. somehow we gotta keep moving on and dont loose hope in life. hehehhe.. pandey nasihat tp sak jak dirikpun masih kedak tok juak. tapi try to understand the lyrics.. you would understand what ive been saying.

adios! b’day girl nak tido

Well, the holidays are over .. tension! isok kenak pegi keja lagik. the best part is i havent finish my work, updating lesson plans and notes for class. what a irresponsible lecturer:) im way too exhausted today, jadi driver bukannya senang, especially from one end to the other end.penin palak..

hmm.. today i found a miracle product that can make our skin clean and clear. Well, ive been switching skincare products and today after so many years, finally i saw some living proof. i think i wanna try this product, safe and guaranteed. lagikpun this thing was a boom in s’pore for the past years. So after seeing some people using it, i decided to give it a try later.. very expensive but can be used for few months. i really want a clean and clear skin..

somemore got this plum product that would be useful to detox your body and loosing weight.. hmm, its time to loose weight!! why not i invest some money, i never invest one. so, there’s no harm to try. somemore i need to detox my body. too much toxic in my body i guess. that’s y i always felt sick .. its about time to invest some money for own health.

my old friend of mine post me a question today.. kinda hard to answer but i know what he’s trying to say. guess he’s been reading my mind.

you miss someone so much, you know that you love the person but why you cant say it out. love shouldnt have fear he says,love should give us strength and courage. You cant call the person or sms the person to say all those things that you felt inside.so he asked again. what’s the point of feeling it when you cant say it out. or when you’re not allowed to express it ..why? i sometimes asked myself that question too.you feel it inside. you know you do but you cannot say it out. so where’s the sense in that?

well, its simple. In life, sometimes we will meet some people whom you might think the one but in the end you find out it was not meant to be. Love does not guarantee a happy ending. Not all people who are in love ends up to be together. This is a painful fact, a bitter truth but somehow you just have to live with it.

i guess im used to keep my feelings to myself. Whether i say it out or not would not make any difference. That was my answer to his question. And he replied, well love shouldnt be this way.. and he give me this look and he said, you should not surpressed about how you feel, your pain.it will kill you slowly day by day.. and that’s why some people claim love hurts when it shouldnt be…

This is my first blog on friendster.Actually never thought that i would write things in here but then again i guess what’s the difference with journalscape.Its all the same thing, sharing ideas, feelings and experiences in life, in love, in career etc. Hmmm.. it took me sometimes to think on what’s the title should be and what’s to write. Then the word holding on came up to my mind and i wrote it as my first title for my first blog.

I guess the title is somehow suits my situation at this point of time or perhaps these few years. In life we have so many belief that we hold on to or we believe into. I’ve been holding on to things that perhaps way too impossible to happen. Deep down, i dont loose hope and faith so i keep on believing the power of prayer that someone used to tell me. Pray to Allah, He will listen to all your prayers no matter how impossible it seems. Then he asked me, what do i want in life? That very question somehow made me realised that its been a while that i asked myself what do i want in life and till now im still figuring it out..

So many things in my mind. If human can actually read or see other people mind and heart, i guess some people would freak out to see what’s inside me.Hmm … now im getting way too personal for others to view..

anyway,im now listening to a song that someone gave to me and when i first listen to the lyrics, i realised the message that he’s trying to send . hmm, write more senses soon ..

She believe in me

While she lays sleeping
I stay out late at night and play my songs
And sometimes all the nights can be so long
And it’s good when I finally make it home
All alone

While she lays dreaming
I touch her face across the silver light
I see her dreams that drift up to the sky
And she wakes up to my kiss
And I say it’s alright
And I hold her tight

And she believes in me
I’ll never know what just what she sees in me
I told her someday
If she was my girl,
I could change the world
With my songs,
But I was wrong.

But she has faith in me
And so I go on trying faithfully
Forever in my heart she will remain
And I hope and pray,
I will find a way, find a way

While she lays waiting
I ask myself why do I hurt her so
What calls me on along this lonely road
Why don’t I turn around and head back home
Where I belong

While she lays crying
For she knows how my heart is ripped in two
I’m torn between the things that I should do
She deserves it all and I’d give it if I could
God, her love is true.

And she believes in me
I’ll never know what just what she sees in me
I told her someday
If she was my girl,
I could change the world
With my songs,
But I was wrong.

But she has faith in me
And so I go on trying faithfully
Forever in my heart she will remain
And I hope and pray,
I will find a way, find a way

While she lays sleeping
While she lays sleeping for me